Commissioners Kroes and Reding valued at 200 and 400m Euros amids protest

It's a tough world

Wall Street and the mainstream press are not the only ones busy doing valuations. A secret internal document from the European Commission was leaked (as always) and found its way in the hands of BJ reporters, indicating that similar exercises are being conducted within the noble European bureaucrats institution. The targets: not the Commission itself, but the individual Commissioners.

From the complex algorithm put together based notably on yearly salary, expectations to remain a Commissioner for a certain period, bonus for Vice-President status and number of incendiary press releases based upon one’s actions, etc. it seems Commissioner Reding is worth twice the value of Commissioner Kroes. When asked for an official reaction to this blatant difference, the respective cabinets declined to answer officially but unofficial sources did declare: ‘We all know these valuations are based on hot air and, boy, does Viviane know how to produce that’. It was unclear to BJ reporters if this was a reference to her spinning abilities or a more serious medical condition. In the meantime, certain pressure groups have already declared that this asymmetric valuation is a clear cut case of age discrimination due to the difference in maturity between the two ladies, an argument that was brushed aside by our source. The BJ tried to contact Goldman Sachs for its views but they declined to speak to our reporters, whilst the Russian investor Digital Sky Technologies laughingly replied that the only Europeans they would ever invest in would need to play impeccable soccer, something neither Neelie nor Viviane seem to be adepts of.

Looking further, it seems Barroso and Ashton were both removed from quotation as their valuation is under attack by speculators.