Boratier: “Bonking will never be the same again”

London, 2nd January 2011. An impeccably dressed gentleman with an impressive head of silver hair arrives at the reception desk of Tower 42, 25 Old Broad Street, EC2. A bleary-eyed entourage stumble uncertainly after him, wondering why their holidays have been cut short. The receptionist however is fully alert.

Old Broad Street sees a premature exclamation.

- Good morning Commissioner Boratier, how can I help you?

- Bonjour. Bonjour. Hi ave keurm to wotch you bonk.

- Are you quite sure about that sir?

- Absolument. Hi ave keurm to hopen zee agency to wotch you bonk. And not only you bonk. Zees agency will wotch bonking in hevery contree. Hi ham determined to bring bonking under control.

- Ah, I believe I may have discerned your intent sir. You will be seeking the European Banking Authority. That’s on level 18, sir.

- Excellent. Excellent. Please announce my arrival.

- I’m afraid the offices are closed sir. It’s Sunday.

- Closed? Closed? But zee agency keurm into being since yesterday.

- That may be so sir, but yesterday was a holiday and today is Sunday.

- But we must be ready for tomorrow. Speculators start bonking operations at dawn. And it is now my responsibility to protect the deposits.

- Would you like me to recommend a suitable hotel nearby sir?

- Yes. Yes. Merci. Hi want to be, as you English say, “on the job” as soon as possible. Bonking will never be the same again.

Trailed by his staff, Boratier swept out clutching an address.

“Bonkers,” muttered the receptionist.