Alien backing for ECB

You can have it all, just don't sing that song.

One member of the Brussels Jungle staff whose drinking problem originates from having spent some time aboard a flying saucer, has access to Bleeper, the interplanetary social network. Before rushing to boost his net worth by a significant margin on the way to a destination in the sun, he revealed the startling information that Martians are readying a rescue package for the ECB.

Apparently some years back an expeditionary force from Mars happened upon a disused gold mine and extracted enormous quantities of the precious metal, which humans had overlooked. There is speculation that central banks were tipped off and that it was fears of the Martian gold being dumped on the market that led to the sell-off in the late 90s.

On the contrary, the Martians held on to their increasingly valuable stock and are now preparing to use it to bulk up ECB reserves. Their incentive? The cries of dismay from Brussels have been sufficiently intense to reach the red planet. Memories of their earlier rout are still painful, and they are determined not to risk their delicate ears suffering a eurozone-wide rendition of “Only EU…”