European Presidents meet religious leaders in Brussels amidst controversy

Presidents Barroso, Buzek and Van Rompuy met religious leaders in Berlaymont, for a summit on poverty and social exclusion. The faithful praised the EU tripartite, with the Bishop of Rotterdam dubbing them, “the father, the son and whatsis name, oh yes, the Holy ghost”.

The spiritual envoys were ushered in under heavy guard and searched for weapons. It is understood that Commission security confiscated several items, including a mitre from the Bishop of Guildford. “This can do some serious damage,” said an official who did not want to be named, “it’s not appropriate for a peaceful gathering”. There was a scare when security descended on His Excellency, the Lutheran bishop of Copenhagen, who became enraged after trying unsuccessfully to nail a printout of his powerpoint presentation to the automatic doors of the Commission HQ. A spokesperson said later, “He explained that it was part of his spiritual tradition and heritage, but we can’t have people damaging the fabric of the building.” He added that a compromise had been managed and the a version of the tract was placed by the door, although this turned out to be a few key points written on a post-it note.

Scientologists, Buddists and Satanists form anti-EU pact

Outside the Berlaymont building, a group of organizations that weren’t invited held a loud protest. The Dalaï Lama told reporters, “this sort of thing makes my blood boil. I’ve been here several times, but when it comes to a summit of religious leaders, I’m on the outside. This shows the pernicious influence of China. I’m going to bring this up with Barroso in his next life, which will be starting pretty bloody soon if I have anything to do with it.”

A representative of the Church of Satan was threatening officials, telling them that, “you’ll pay when my master, Mandelson comes back!” On the other side of the street, a group of men in identical suits played around with strange technical machinery, that appeared to be pointed towards the top floor of Berlaymont and declined to be interviewed or photographed.

Despite the uproar, the commission said the talks, an initiative of the Lisbon Treaty, had gone well. However the scheduled press conference was cancelled after it was discovered that President Barroso could only speak in an ancient dialect of Latin. Backwards.