Down at yours, Delors?

The European Economic and Social Committee and Committee of the Regions are apparently considered increasingly superfluous as, post-Lisbon, the European Parliament has gained the power to not only establish unrealistic wish-lists, but push them onto the Commission. The foreseen shutdown will relieve pressure on the EU’s budget and save the untold numbers of trees cut down annually to build mountains of rarely read reports. Perhaps more importantly the move will free up the Jacques Delors Building for profitable ventures.

Dirk Toff, manager of one of the better-placed consortiums, told the Brussels Jungle that they intended to do everything possible to ease the transition: “The remaining institutions are concerned that as they can’t fire the ‘fonctionnaires’, they’ll have to find room for them elsewhere. So we are offering to retain the better-looking members of staff, say as stewards and cocktail waitresses. Obviously the EU will need to subsidise their salaries.”

As any venture will have little need to look further than the well-heeled clientele working in the neighbourhood, the closure could also help reduce the enormous carbon footprint generated by flying hundreds of representatives into Brussels from around the Union on a regular basis.

A smiling Dirk Toff adds: “We’ll be moving from ‘Up Yours, Delors’ to ‘Down at yours, Delors?’”