Occurrence of children stuck in trees increased by 300% in two weeks

The source of all evil?

The US fire brigades have been contacted by their French and German colleagues, as the occurrence of children stuck in trees and needing a fire-brigade intervention have increased by 300% over the past weeks in those two countries, a trend experienced for the past months in the United States.

Though the spokesperson of the US fire brigade did not want to comment publicly on the phenomenon, the BJ reporters were told off the record that every child found in such a situation seemed unwilling to come out of the tree, regardless of the weather, hence requiring forceful intervention. The children were all clutching violently a brand new iPad in their arms, which after an enquiry by the local police forces, was discovered to be purchased only recently by one of their parents. It is unclear if the purchase and immediate download of the Air Hockey App are linked to the incidents, as the enquiry is still ongoing. All children seemed to suffer from withdrawal symptoms, including rubbing their fingers on every screen that was available to them, whilst making “wooosh” sounds.