Strict new rules for Club Med deter holidaymakers

“We’re not sure we like the sound of austerity,” said Puffy Lump as she perused the brochures at her local travel agent, “It wouldn’t be a real holiday, not like what we’ve been used to anyways.”

Cracks in the euro could lead to cents up yours.

Puffy and her husband Podgy are sadly typical of many holiday-makers this season. Sad that is for the Club Med, which has already seen a dramatic drop in the numbers headed to their resorts for fear of social unrest disrupting the recreation.

The reason? The European Commission has introduced strict new rules for southern vacation ventures, due to come into force this summer.

The necessity of outlining exactly how your holiday budget will last for the full period of your stay in an interview on arrival with a genteel auditor is not seen as a deal-breaker: being optimistically mendacious comes easy in such climes. However the obligation to pay for drinks in cash could be uncomfortably inconvenient: many swimming-pool aficionados are concerned about where to put the change in their swimsuits.

In addition, once his wife is out of earshot, Podgy confides that he’s also put off by the renewed ban on offshore drilling. “Takes all the fun out of skinny dipping,” he says.