New security scare at EU Institutions

EU officials are trying to hush up what one security official described as, “an unbelievable act of serious idiocy,” and added that there was “no real, actual security in any of the institution buildings at present.” The source of the scare, which is alarming governments, is the electronic passes used by all officials and employees of all institutions. It has been discovered that the Brussels transport systems electronic ‘MoBIB’ cards, which have recently been introduced into the capital can be used to access all areas of every institution.

Brussels metro tickets

It is believed that the ruse was discovered by a stagiaire, who had been out partying the night before, who mistakenly used her metro pass to get into the European Parliament. Since then, the interns have been playing pranks, but kept it a secret amongst themselves. However, a group are believed to have used the passes to gain access to Parliament President Jerzy Buzek’s private lavatory suite and left the message, “Nigel Farage Woz Ere” on his bathroom mirror in lipstick. Investigations revealed the method of entry. “It’s the ultimate nightmare. All al Qaeda have to do is get a Metro pass and they have free access to everywhere”.

Foreign Ministers reacted with anger, after they were told that the last Council Summit was completely insecure. One Minister is reported to ask why the security costs were so high when, “any fool with a bus pass could enter the building at will?”

It is rumoured that the EU institutions will remove the electronic passes and replace them with paper tickets that can be stamped on entry to any institutions. An official said, “this will be much more secure as people will be issued with only a day pass or a ticket valid for 5 or 10 visits”.