European Parliament considers controversial ban on siblings

After receiving a top secret report from OLAF (the European Commission Anti-Fraud Office), the Bureau of the European Parliament, with the consent of Presidents Van Rompuy and Barroso, is to consider a highly controversial move that would prohibit citizens who are from multiple births from holding office.

The drastic measure was considered as “a last resort” to halt epidemic levels of fraud in the EU institutions. According to sources inside the OLAF investigation team, a large number of MEPs, accused of fiddling expenses and selling favours to commercial clients, have all blamed “an evil twin”. The MEPs claim that they have always acted with complete probity, but a morally compromised twin took advantage of an identical appearence and entered their workplace and carried out acts of fraud, often accumulating millions of euros.

This makes the act of bringing prosecutions extremely difficult says one investigator, who spoke off the record, “The problem is that many of these deputies didn’t even know that they had an evil twin. It was only when we presented them with uncontrovertible evidence of serious misdeeds that they began to consider the possibility.” Furthermore, it seems that many of these “evil twins” are brought up secretly, away from their siblings, so many were somewhat surprised to learn that not only was a family member responsible for outrageous crimes, but that family member was a long lost brother or sister.

Security services say, “We’ve suspected something like this for a long time, so we’re not surprised by the large numbers of evil twins involved in fraud. In each case, the offender had to know exact details, such as office layout, passwords and of course, they had to look just like the official identity card photo, issued to the genuine deputies.” A Commission official said that they had been aware of the problem for some time, saying that “Mandelson used to send his evil twin over, all the time”.