Commission sees entertainment opportunities in crisis

The EU's new dream factory.

Inspired by the unprecedented levels of media attention over the past few weeks, the European Commission is intending to leverage the eurozone crisis into a revenue-raising and morale- boosting entertainment business and has unveiled bold plans for two new ventures.

Commissioner Olli Rehn is setting up a new film production company to bring out a series of feature-length movies. Remakes of successful titles from the past will include My Big Fat Greek Bailout, A Fund Too Far, Rely On Private Saving, Put Fiction, The Good, the Bad and the Subprime, Traders of the Lost Cause, There’s Something About Angela, Monsieur Sarko’s Holiday, Juncker’s 16, James Bund AAA: All the Money in the World is Not Enough, and the musical, Manna Missing.

Waiting in line for thrills: a change from dole queues.

Euroland will be opening its doors this summer. For people with more time on their hands than they might choose (there will be free entry for the unemployed), an array of attractions will immerse visitors in the excitement of managing an international sovereign debt crisis, including the Dollar/Euro Roller-Coaster, Racing Rating Agencies in Special Purpose Vehicles, Yield Mountain and Unregulated Teacups.

However there appears to be confusion over dress code for the theme park, with some speculation that people wearing shorts may be turned away.

Merchandise will include action figures of the heroes of the crisis, with more expensive models featuring recordings of their significant pronouncements: these will be updated wirelessly to avoid conflicts with reality.

A big seller will no doubt be the voodoo dolls of bankers.