Brussels bubble’s health dramatically decreasing due to comms tools

At a symposium on the future of communications held at the infamous Albert Borschette center in Brussels (the only building uglier inside than outside), various academics debated about the next “new thing”. The unanimous conclusion was that we live in an era of ubiquitous communication. Professor Von Apple noted that “In the last two decades we saw a tremendous surge in the means of communication. Modern communication technologies have sucked us right into the ‘always on’ paradigm of constant connectivity, one which has also spawned new maladies. For example, injuries due to overuse, such as the ‘cell-phone elbow’, the ‘BlackBerry thumb’, and other ‘Repetitive Strain Injuries’ (RSI).”

Add to this the fact that it’s common in the Brussels corridors to practice and preach the fine art form of ‘eloquent vagueness’, saying nothing, at great length. Then it’s not hard to imagine that this creates a perfect storm for medical problems.

And in fact, sources at DG SANCO (Directorate General for Health and Consumer Affairs) confirmed us that the health condition in the Brussels’ EU quarter is alarming. The infamous curse of the modern communication technologies is pushing the European Sick Leave Index (ESLI) to abnormally high levels. The victims range from Commission personnel, MEPs and their assistants to even lobbyists.

As the problem is taking on larger proportions, DG SANCO, DG COMM (Directorate General for Communication) and DG HR (Directorate General for Human Resources and Security) are joining hands to tackle this imminent crisis. But the rough draft of their new guidelines for internal and external communication for the different European Institutions could cause a lot of outrage in and around Brussels.

Indeed, their main proposals are:

• first, the use of straightforward language and clear questions and objectives. A civil servant told the BJ that this goal alone was complete utopia considering the jargon present in every single document issued by the institutions, a jargon made even more complexe by its multiple translations;
• second, a plea for more transparent communication. As an old rot in the Comms department aptly put it “why not a plea to make civil servants enjoy their job and lobbyists act in a discreet and shy manner?”; and
• finally, an instruction to use ones thumbs and wrists only for professional purposes.

The latter has created quite some confusion in Commission ranks, as some officials pointed out that the use of thumbs and wrists for non-professional purposes was a must in their private life.

To be followed?