US Survey shows color, prayer, TV and no pet make for great sex in bed

The National Sleep Foundation, a US-based non-profit organisation dedicated to improving the quality of life for Americans who suffer from sleep problems and disorders, released its annual “Sleep in America” poll this month. For the first time, the poll examines how ethnic groups differ in their sleep habits, by asking 1,000 Americans aged 25 to 60 to identify themselves as white, black, Hispanic or Asian, prior to answering a set of questions.

The stated objective was to examine how cultural differences push the physiological boundaries of how much sleep we need, “But that was not what jumped out of the gathered numbers”, said one of the researchers involved in the analysis of the collected data. “The math are very simple: 10% of African-Americans and Hispanics report having sex every night (for 4% Whites and 1% Asians), whilst 75% African-Americans and 72% Hispanics watch TV before going to sleep (against 64% Whites and 52% Asians) and 71% African-Americans and 45% Hispanics pray prior to bedtime (against 32% Whites and 18% Asians). Combine that with the fact that Whites are more likely than other ethic groups to report sleeping with pets on most nights (16% vs. 4% Asians, 4% Hispanics and 2% Blacks/African-Americans), and you have the formula of truth: being colored, prayer, TV and no pet make for great sex in bed!”.

When our BJ reporter contacted the spokesperson of the African-American Community Association, the latter simply laughed out loud and said: “Well, we already knew white men can’t jump…”. His colleague from the WASP Association said this deduction rested on data that could not be deemed scientific by any serious person and that: “his lady got more than enough on any given night”. He did not wish to comment on the pets part of the survey saying it “would hurt Poochie’s feelings” [Poochie apparently being the ugly chihuahua experiment of which a picture was framed on his office wall].