President Barroso unveils new motto for EU officials

As part of his Europe 2020 programme, the European Commission President Barroso has decided to launch a new motto for the EU institution officials:

The normal is impossible, the impossible normal

The new slogan is meant to encourage all EU civil servants to exceed expectations, and was presented during a buffet-cocktail organised in the Heysel Expo facilities, the only location large enough in Brussels to fit the over 20.000 Commission officials. A t-shirt is available to mark the event here.

A cheerful Barroso presented the new motto in a lengthy speech, reproduced below, and which should be available on EbS stream soon.

“Colleagues

Now, I want you to remember that no bastard ever won a war by dying for his institution. He won it by making the other poor dumb bastard die for his member state, or his own institution if it’s the Parliament. Men, all this stuff you’ve heard about the Commission not wanting to fight, wanting to stay out of the war, is a lot of horse dung. The European Commission traditionally loves to fight. All real Commission officials love the sting of battle. When you were kids, you all admired the champion marble shooter, the fastest runner, the big league ball player, the toughest boxer. Civil servants like you love a winner and will not tolerate a loser. Civil servants play to win all the time. I wouldn’t give a hoot in hell for a man who lost and laughed. That’s why the Commission has never lost and will never lose a war. Because the very thought of losing is hateful to us….And because we don’t really wage real wars…

Now, the Commission is a team. It lives, eats, sleeps, fights as a team. This individuality stuff is a bunch of crap. The bilious bastards who wrote that stuff about individuality for the Saturday Evening Post don’t know anything more about real battle than they do about fornicating.

We have the finest food and equipment, the best spirit and the best men in the world. You know, by God I actually pity those poor bastards we’re going up against. By God, I do. We’re not just going to shoot the bastards, we’re going to cut out their living guts and use them to grease the treads of our tanks. We’re going to murder those lousy Hun bastards by the bushel.

Now, some of you boys, I know, are wondering whether or not you’ll chicken out under fire. Don’t worry about it. I can assure you that you will all do your duty. The MEPs and unfriendly Member States reps at Council are the enemy. Wade into them. Spill their blood. Shoot them in the belly. When you put your hand into a bunch of goo that a moment before was your best friend’s face, you’ll know what to do.

Now there’s another thing I want you to remember. I don’t want to get any messages saying that we are holding our position. We’re not holding anything. Let the Hun do that. We are advancing constantly and we’re not interested in holding onto anything except the enemy. We’re going to hold onto him by the nose and we’re going to kick him in the ass. We’re going to kick the hell out of him all the time and we’re gonna go through him like crap through a goose.

There’s one thing that you men will be able to say when you get back home. And you may thank God for it. Thirty years from now when you’re sitting around your fireside with your grandson on your knee and he asks you what did you do in the great European Commission, you won’t have to say, “Well, I shoveled shit in Brussels.”

Alright now, you sons-of-bitches, you know how I feel. Oh, and I will be proud to lead you wonderful guys into battle – anytime, anywhere.

That’s all.”

Yes, truly an uplifting and surprisingly straightforward speech by President Barroso, worthy of a pep talk by General Patton!