Panic call to Eurozone emergency hotline

The Brussels Jungle has just received a recording of a call to the Eurozone emergency hotline in Luxembourg. The following is a transcript of the conversation:

“Eurozone emergency, Mireille Vondovsteuerfrei, how I can help you?”

“This is Papa….(inaudible).”

“Sorry, could you repeat?”

“Oh never mind. I’m the Greek finance minister.”

“Good morning, sir. Is there an emergency?”

“Absolutely. Pass me Juncker.”

“Please, one minute sir.”

Extension rings.

“Bureau de Jean-Claude Juncker.”

“Bonjour Agnès, Mireille. T’es donc revenue de vacances ? C’était bien ?”

“Oui, mais le retour est dur. JC est de très mauvais poil.”

“J’ai le minstre des finances grècque au bout du fil. Il dit qu’il a une urgence.”

“C’est quoi?”

“J’ai pas demandé de détails. Il a l’air pressé.”

“JC n’est pas là. Saurais pas quoi dire, moi.”

“Ben, moi non plus. J’ai raté la formation à cause de mon opération. Tu peux trouver quelqu’un?”

“J’essaie.”

“Hallo. Mr er. Mr Minister?”

“Yes, Mr Juncker please.”

“He’s not there in the moment. We try to find someone. Please just hold.”

“OK, but hurry. All hell has broken loose.”

Click. Pause. Click.

“Ah, I have the assistant to Mr Juncker for you.”

“Dieter Ledbach, how may I help you?”

“Papaconstantinou here. I know it was already late when I called you last Friday, but it’s really getting out of control now and the whole thing could explode. We’ve had the New York police here for days and you lot for nearly a week. When are you coming to save us?”

“Please calm down, Mr Papaconstantinou. Mr Van Rompuy said earlier this morning that we’re on our way.”

“But when are you going to arrive?”

“We’re planning to get the whole team together for the 10th of May. It’s the earliest we can manage. You’ll just have to fight the fire on your own for a while, though I did hear New York were sending reinforcements.”

Pause.

“Hello?”

“Hello?”

Click.

“Mireille? Dieter. Je l’ai perdu. T’as son numéro ?”