Commissioner Quinn to power CERN’s Hadron Collider

European Commissioner Quinn, in charge of Research, Innovation and Science, has accepted an invitation from scientists at CERN to take a central role in the Hadron Collider project, in order to raise the profile of science and innovation throughout the European Union. Next month the Irish Commissioner will be set inside the 27km long circular tunnel, over a hundred metres underground and fired at close to light speed towards hadron particles coming round the other way. “I’ll smash them to bits!” she announced at an enthusiastic press conference, “I’ll rip them apart with my bare hands and shoot the Higgs boson out of …” [the microphone having been cut off at that point, we leave it to our readers' imagination to guess the rest]

The Collider has had problems in the past, having to be repaired within days of its opening, amid fears that it could create a black hole. Scientists have been looking for a way to engage the public over the $9 billion project and welcomed the Commissioners’ announcement, “We’re over the moon about this and we’re super confident that she’ll make easy work of the hadron particles” said a scientist at CERN. It is understood that the invitation to be fired was also extended to Quin’s Head of Cabinet, John Bell, who commented, “we work as a team, but there are some things that I feel the Commissioner should take sole credit for and this is one of those things. I feel this very strongly. Please don’t put me in there.”

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   Akilah Emde says:

   April 12, 2010 at 11:59 pm

   I Will have to come back again when my course load lets up – nevertheless I am taking your RSS feed so I can read your site offline. Thanks.

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