Class action by angry women against Steve Jobs and Apple
Though not yet officially published, the BJ has been informed that a massive class action suit has been launched by 452 women and 3 men against Steve Jobs personally and Apple as a company for “creating un-met expectations”.
The 678 pages of filing contain a variety of complex drawings and technical explanations, so our reporters asked Johnny McVain, the Baltimore-based lawyer representing the unsatisfied customers for a summary of the grounds of the class action.
“Well, Steve Jobs personally at his yearly grand poohas, and Apple as a company, have made people believe that everything is becoming tactile: you touch, it reacts; you slide, it unlocks; you tap, it takes notice…but that was let’s say acceptable up till now, even if many iPhone and now iPad users kept on feeling let down in their daily relations with their partner. But what really triggered the lawsuit was the fact that this whole thing of zooming in and out by using ones thumb and index (the famous “pinch to zoom” movement) has created major disruptions in couples’ lives”.
One of the ladies that joined the class action suit was ready to say more under the cover of anonymity: “The first time he did his pinch thing, she said, talking about her now ex-husband, “I though he was trying something new, a bit more kinky than our usual routine. But then he kept on doing the same movement and shaking his head every time whilst mumbling…when I finally asked what was wrong, he said: ‘it just won’t zoom out, it just won’t enlarge’…I was utterly devastated”.
McVain did not want to comment on the reasons that pushed the 3 men to join the class action but our reporters did talk to the best friend of one of them who confirmed the devastating consequences of the Apple “way of life”: “He can’t stop crying and even after 8 beers, will refuse to go to public toilets…It’s quite scary really…to think she did it on their wedding night…”.
When contacted for a reaction, Steve Jobs replied by email that “Apple enhanced people’s life experience and not there physical attributes”, adding “the whole thing was ludicrous”.
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