Buzek announces radical plan to increase attendance in plenary

The President of the European Parliament, Jerzy Buzek has unveiled an overhaul of the Hemicycle to boos attendance by MEPs. After limits on expenses were put in place, it has been noted that fewer representatives are taking their seats in the parliamentary chamber during sessions and a spokesperson said that “radical measures were needed”.

The new plan was met with cheers and prolonged applause from deputies as Buzek declared that a bar was to be installed at the rear of the chamber, although the initial idea was for each desk to have its own beer pumps. This idea fell, on technical grounds, when brewers said that it would be impossible to guarantee that each pump would deliver “a good frothy head”. Other measures are to move to evening sessions and to use the monitor screens to show live football matches after a deal was made with Sky Sports. In a compromise, members accepted that the sound should be turned down during speeches.

Green MEPs were appalled by the innovations, especially when they realised that their seats were to be taken out and replaced by a pool table. to the derision of the other groups, they complained that they were being “singled out”. Their anger subsided when they were promised standing room near the dartboard. Other innovations included topless waitresses, who will deliver brinks to any member unwilling or unable to reach the bar. In a press conference at O’Farrels bar in Place Luxembourg, President Buzek said that, “Post Lisbon, we all have to adapt to a new situation and these measures will enable parliament to deal with a heavier workload and greater responsibilities the treaty places on our shoulders. As a sign of approval, several MEPs have begun advertising for more parliamentary assistants, with duties that include, “Anticipate, research, monitor and report on policy developments and priorities; Draft documents, articles, weblogs, brochures, press items, etc.; pole dancing”.