Twitter unveils secret plot by Greens

As with every secret plot, someone always ends up spilling the beans. An intriguing series of tweets by Green MEPs was spotted late on 10 March by the BJ team. First, the Green MEP Ska Keller sent out a cryptic tweet stating “demands for collective showers are raised at the group meeting #Greens/Efa“, followed closely by Jan Albrecht, another Green MEP, who posted: “Haha! Grüne Fraktion im #EP denkt über Gemeinschaftsduschen für Europaparlamentarier nach, um Platz & Energie zu sparen!”.

Now obviously, at first glance, one could have merely considered this an innocent joke. But the BJ reporters know there is simply no fire without smoke, no smoke without fire, and too many cigarettes in Brussels pubs. So we decided to know more about this secret discussion within the Greens political group relating to the sharing of showers by MEPs in order to save space and energy.

Initially, the plan seems to have every element of appeal for the many lonely MEPs trailing between Strasbourg, Brussels, their home constituency and the odd exotic place: what better way to bond then using collective showers, especially if its for the good cause, i.e. combating climate change by rationalising energy consumption. But the plot thickens once one makes the link between this apparently “friendly” suggestion by the Greens, and a study issued in April 2009  by a famous global warming scientist, namely Dr. Raymond Sunburn, the head of the Aspen/Davos Collective’s think tank, Keep Earth Cool.  In this study, Dr. Sunburn points out that too much sex is a major cause of global warming. “All that heavy breathing releases tons of carbon dioxide into the atmosphere,” Dr, Raymond Sunburn, the head of the Aspen/Davos Collective’s think tank, Keep Earth Cool, said in an interview reported by Wellsphere.com, adding that  “computer models show that if people don’t reduce their rate of intercourse and heavy petting to, at most, once a month, the polar bears will become extinct by 2050.”

The conclusion of this study is that in order to cool down spirits and libido, “cold showers”are the perfect solution.

And so the plot unravels: the Greens are luring their colleagues from other Groups with the attractive proposal of collective showers, knowing fully well that the consequence of such promiscuity could only be combated by making the said collective showers happen at Arctic temperatures! When this was revealed to a frisky MEP from another political group who was already sharing his enthusiasm for the Greens’ suggestion with his colleagues, he stood gobsmacked and said: “I was wondering how for once the Greens could entice me with a proposal…Cold showers, huh? And what next: reading the million of documents we produce every week on computer screens rather than printing them out, and going to Strasbourg by bicycle?”.